A city cop was on his horse waiting to cross the street when a little girl on her new shiny bike stopped beside him. "Nice bike," the cop said "did Santa bring it to you?"

"Yep," the little girl said, "he sure did!" The cop looked the bike over and handed the girl a $5 ticket for a safety violation. The cop said, "Next year tell Santa to put a reflector light on the back of it."

The young girl looked up at the cop and said, "Nice horse you got there sir, did Santa bring it to you?" "Yes, he sure did," chuckled the cop. The little girl looked up at the cop and said, "Next year tell Santa the dick goes underneath the horse, not on top."

4x4


The doctor told a man that masturbating before sex often helped men
last
longer during the act.

The man decided, "What the heck, I'll try it."

He spent the rest of the day thinking about where to do it. He couldn't
do it in his office. He thought about the restroom, but that was too
open. He considered an alley, but figured that was too unsafe. Finally,
he realized his solution. On the way home from work, he pulled his 4X4
over on the side of the highway.

He got out and crawled underneath as if examining the vehicle.
Satisfied
with the privacy, he undid his pants and started to masturbate.

He closed his eyes and thought of his lover.

As he grew closer to orgasm, he felt a quick tug at his pants leg. Not
wanting to lose his mental fantasy or the orgasm, he kept his eyes shut
and replied "What?"

He heard, "This is the police. What in the hell are you doing?"

The man replied, "I'm checking out the rear axle, it's busted."

The cop says, "Well, you better check your brakes too, because your 4x4
rolled down the hill 5 minutes ago."

LOL i liked the 4x4 one. Thats true though you do last longer.

The Parrot
A young man named John received a parrot as a gift.
The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse
vocabulary. Every word out of the bird's mouth was
rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity.
John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude
by consistently saying only polite words, playing
soft music and anything else he could think of to
"clean up" the bird's vocabulary.
Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the
parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the
parrot and the parrot got angrier and even ruder.
John, in desperation threw up his hands, grabbed the
bird and put him in the freezer. For a few minutes
the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then
suddenly there was total quiet.
Not a peep was heard for over a minute. Fearing that
he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door
to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto
John's outstretched arms and said:
"I believe I may have offended you with my rude
language and actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for
my inappropriate transgressions and verbal tirades.
Forgive me. I fully intend to do everything I can to
correct my rude and abhorrent behavior."
John was stunned at the change in the bird's
attitude.
As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such
a dramatic
change in his behavior, the bird continued,
"May I ask what the turkey did?"

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: roflmfao!!!!!!!!

What do K-Mart and Michael Jackson have in common?












They both have boys underwear half off. :censored:

When is it bed-time at Micheal Jackson's house???

















When the big hand touches the little hand!

What is the difference between Micheal Jackson and a grocery bag?














One is made of plastic and is dangerious for children to play with and the other carrys grocerys.

:lol:

BTW, moved to joke area :D

Ahh, I was wondering what "humar" was. It's actually humor. :stick: :beer:

That's the spelling bee champion in me. :headache:

what do you call nuts on a wall?









Wallnuts, what do you call nuts in a chest?













Chestnuts, what do you call nuts on a chin?
















You tell me fag. LOL

Thats soo old.

What did R Kelly say to Michael Jackson???



















Got two fives for a ten?

As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers the window, and she says "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load." The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street. When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches up again. She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door. Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if they've never spoken, the blonde says brightly, "Hi my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!" Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down the street. At the third red light, the same thing happens again. All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up, knocks on the truck door. The trucker lowers the window. Again she says "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!" When the light turns green the trucker revs up and races to the next light. When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runs back to the blonde. He knocks on her window, and as
she lowers it, he says... "Hi, my name is Kevin, it's winter in Wisconsin, and I'm driving the dam SALT TRUCK!

HA HA HA HA

Three men, one German, one Japanese and a
hillbilly were sitting naked in a sauna. Suddenly
there was a beeping sound. The German pressed his forearm and the
beep stopped. The others looked at him questioningly. "That was my
pager, "he said, "I have a micro chip under the skin of my arm."

A few minutes later a phone rang. The Japanese fellow lifted
his palm to his ear. When he finished he explained, "That was my
mobile phone. I have a micro chip in my hand."
The hillbilly felt decidedly low tech, but not to be outdone he decided
he had to do something just as impressive. He stepped out of the
sauna and went to the bathroom.
He returned with a piece of toilet paper hanging from his behind. The others raised
their eyebrows and stared at him The hillbilly finally said...
"Well, will you look at that, I'm getting a fax.

Then a guy named Tom says " want me to grab that for you"?

Lol.

LOL owned

:lol:

Moved to the "Joke Thread"

An airplane was about to crash; there were 5 passengers on board, but only 4
parachutes.

The 1st passenger said, "I am Kobe Bryant, the best NBA basketball player;
the Lakers need me, I can't afford to die." So he took the 1st pack and left
the plane.

The 2nd passenger, Hillary Clinton said, "I am the wife of the former U.S.
President, a NY State Senator and a potential future president. And I am the
smartest woman in American history, so America's people don't want me to
die", and she took the 2nd pack and jumped out of the plane.

The 3rd passenger, George W. Bush, said, "I'm the president of the United
States of America. I have great responsibility being the leader of a
superpower nation." So he grabbed the pack next to him and jumped.

The 4th passenger, the Pope, said to the 5th passenger, a 10 year old school
girl, "I am old and frail and don't have many years left, and as a Catholic,
I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute."

The girl said, "That's okay. There's a parachute left for you. America's
smartest woman took my schoolbag."

Blonde Moment:

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA :lol:

What do you call a blonde that dues her hair black?


:bounce: Artificial Intelligence :bounce:

how did the blonde break her arm raking leaves?

she fell out of the tree.

How a blonde prints a document from her computer

A girl came skipping home from school one day.

"Mommy, Mommy, she yelled, "We were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10!"

"Very good," said her mother.

"Is it because I'm blonde?" the girl asked.

"Yes, It's because your blonde."

The next day the girl came skipping home from school.

"Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "We were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids said up to D, but I said it up to G. See?
A,B,C,D,E,F,G!"

"Very good," said her mother.

"Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?"

"Yes, It's because your blonde."

The next day the girl came skipping home from school.

"Mommy Mommy!" she yelled, "We were in gym class today, and when we were showering, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!"

She lifted up her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs.

"Very good," said her embarrassed mother.

"Is it because I'm Blonde, Mommy?"

"No Honey, Its because you're 24."

HAHAHAHA :lol:

:lol:

Oh My god LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOOLOLOOL

That is like the redneck joke just changed a little. Either way still funny i guess...

One day a guy meets this blonde for the first time and notices how cute she is, so he wants to talk to her. He walks up and starts talking with her and notices she's wearing some small headphones. So he ask if she would take them off so she could hear him better while he talked to her. She replied "Oh no, if I take them off I will die!". So to be funny he snatches them off her head and runs and she goes after him. After about a minute of chasing the guy she collapses and starts turning blue. So he gives her mouth to mouth resuscitation (or mouth to mouth recreation, which ever you prefer). As she comes to, she grabs the headphones back and says I told you I would die without these and puts them back on her head. Stuned the guy ask if he could listen to what she's listening to? She tells him he can listen, but for only a few seconds and must give them back. He agrees and she hands him the headphones. He puts them on his head and hears,
"Breath in,..... breath out,..... breath in,..... breath out,..... breath in,..... breath out,......................" :P

:lol: Ahahahahah!!!! :lol:

What does a blond and a computer have in common?

No one appreciates one until they go down on you.....

Why do blondes have Y shaped caskets?



Because whenever they lie on there back there legs spread apart.

A little Blonde girl runs up to her mom and shouts out "Mommy, Mommy I got five dollars today!" Her mom does a puzzled look and then says "How did you get that?"

The little girl smiles and says "Little Johny told me to do a cartweel while he was up in a tree" Her mom lowers her eyebrows and says in a firm voice "You know that Little Johny is only trying to see you underwear" "Ohhhhhhh!" Says the little girl and runs upstairs. The next morning she runs up to her mom and yells "Mommy, Mommy! I got ten dollars from Little Johny" "Hunny what did I tell you about..."

The little girl interuppts her and says "Listen mommy I didn't get him to look at my underwear today! He went up into a tree I did a cartwheel. Then he came down smiled and said Good job" "Why did he say that?"

said the little girls mom "I have no clue Mommy! I wasn't wearing any underwear today!"

A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning. Thewife picked up the phone, listened a moment and said, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up. The husband said, "Who was that?"

The wife said, "I don't know; some woman wanting to know 'if the coast is clear."

Patti, a well-stacked blonde, sat on the examining table.

Dr Donovan placed his hand on her bare breast, "You know what I'm doing, don't you?" he asked.

"Yes," she murmured, "You're checking for breast cancer."

Donovan then began caressing her stomach. "Of course," he continued, "you know what I'm doing."

"Yes," she smiled. "You're checking my appendix."

By now the M.D. couldn't control himself any longer. He ripped off his clothes and began making love to her.

"You know what I'm doing, don't you?" he gasped.

"Yes," she replied. "You're checking for VD . . . and that's what I came here for."

A blonde tried to sell her old car.

She was having a lot of problems selling it, because the car had 250,000 miles on it.

One day, she told her problem to a brunette she worked with at a salon.

The brunette told her, "There is a possibility to make the car easier to sell, but it's not legal."

"That doesn't matter," replied the blonde, "if I only can sell the car.

"Okay," said the brunette. "Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will turn the counter in your car back to 50,000 miles. Then it should not be a problem to sell your car anymore."

The following weekend, the blonde made the trip to the mechanic.

About one month after that, the brunette asked the blonde, "Did you sell your car?"

"No," replied the blonde, "why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it."