Re: Official Joke Thread!
 

The other day my neighbor, who is blonde, came running up to me in the
driveway jumping for joy! I didn't know why she was jumping so excitedly but
I thought, "what the heck", and I starting jumping up and down along with
her.
She said, "I have some really great news!"
I said, "Great. Tell me why you're so happy."
She stopped jumping and told me that she was pregnant.
I knew she'd been trying for a while so I told her, "That's great, I
couldn't be happier for you!"
Then she said, "Wait, there's more."
I asked, "What do you mean there's more?"
She said, "Well, we're not having just one baby,we're going to have TWINS!"

Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant, I asked her
how she knew.

She said.... (You're going to love this!),"Well, that was the easy part. I went to Sam's
Club and they actually had home pregnancy tests in a TWIN-pack. And both tests
came out positive!"

Re: Official Joke Thread!
 

Whats twelve inches long and makes women cry?














Stillbirth!

Re: Official Joke Thread!
 

A hippie gets onto a bus and sits next to a nun in the front seat. The hippie looks over and asks the nun if she would have sex with him.

The nun, surprised by the question, politely declines and gets off at the next stop. When the bus starts again, the bus driver says to the hippie, "If you want, I can tell you how you can get that nun to have sex with you."

The hippie of course says that he'd love to know, so the bus driver tells him that every Tuesday evening at midnight the nun goes to the cemetery to pray to the lord. "If you went dressed in robes and some glowing powder," says the bus driver, "You could tell her you were God and command her to have sex with you."

The hippie decides to try this out. That Tuesday, he goes to the cemetery and waits for the nun. Right on schedule, the nun shows up. While she's in the middle of praying, the hippie walks out from hiding, in robes and glowing with a mask of god. "I am God, I have heard your prayers and I will answer them but you must have sex with me first," he says.

The nun agrees but asks for anal sex so she might keep her virginity. The hippie agrees to this and quickly sets about having sex with the nun.

After the hippie finishes, he rips off his mask and shouts out, "Ha ha, I'm the hippie! "

The nun replies by whipping off her mask and shouting, "Ha ha, I'm the bus driver!"

Re: Official Joke Thread!
 

LOL, good one!

Re: Official Joke Thread!
 

A man and a woman walk into a bank and ask to see the manager. They are ushered in and the manager, despite his professionalism, can hardly keep his eyes off the bulging cleavage and perfect curves of the woman.
"Mr Wilson" says the man, "I have an investment proposition that needs $20,000. I presume, as I bank here, that will be no problem?"

Smugly the bank manager replies, "In banking, one should never assume Sir. I will need to ask a few questions and run a few checks."

"Here's the deal." says the man, leaning forward. "No questions. No checks. $20,000 today and I will let you have my wife for one night and one night only to do whatever you want. And she is very... adventurous."

Once again Mr Wilson mentally undresses the woman, licks his lips, loosens his tie and becomes flustered. After a few moments he buzzes in his secretary and they draw up the paperwork. He arranges to bring the money to the executive suite of the Radisson hotel at 7 o'clock that evening.

At ten to seven, Mr Wilson nervously enters the hotel lobby and takes the lift to the 17th floor. He knocks shyly on the door of the suite and it is answered by the woman in a low cut short red dress and heels.

"Mr Wilson" she purrs. "Have you got the money?"

The bank manager shakily hands her an envelope.

She smiles. "Then come in."

He follows the woman into the room and stops in shock. Lying on the bed is a hideously ugly woman in faded grey underwear eating a pie. At least in her 50s, she lies in a provocative pose showing unshaven armpits and bikini line.

The man is sitting in an armchair with a glass of Scotch.

"What's this?!" stutters the bank manager.

"My wife" says the man. "In banking, Mr Wilson, one should never assume."

Re: Official Joke Thread!
 

INTERESTING OBSERVATION ABOUT BALLS.


1. The sport of choice for the urban poor is BASKETBALL.



2. The sport of choice for maintenance
level employees is BOWLING.




3. The sport of choice for front-line workers is FOOTBALL.




4. The sport of choice for supervisors is
BASEBALL.





5. The sport of choice for middle
management is TENNIS.
And...




6. The sport of choice for corporate
executives and officers is GOLF.


THE AMAZING CONCLUSION:



The higher you go in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become.

There must be
a boat load of people in Washington playing
marbles.

Re: Official Joke Thread!
 

Hey, did you guys hear? Paul Walker is on the radio...










And the dashboard...



And the windshield...

Re: Official Joke Thread!
 

:nope:

Re: Official Joke Thread!
 

Fail

Re: Official Joke Thread!
 

What do Paul Walker and Bill Cosby have in common?















































Apparently their jokes aren't funny anymore...


.

Re: Official Joke Thread!
 

I R Joke thread killer?

Re: Official Joke Thread!
 

It’s hard to take kleptomaniacs and puns seriously. Why? They take things literally.