[sleepy2lazy]

Man Law

1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
(a) when a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) After you cut off your own arm to free yourself from being lodged between two rocks for a few days in the middle of nowhere.
(c) When you see highlights of the final seconds of the 1980 U.S. Men’s Hockey Team beating the Russians.

3: Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be unmercilessly beaten by his buddies.

4: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy’s birthday is strictly optional.

5: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

6: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who’s playing.

7: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink with an umbrella only when you’re sunning on a tropical beach… and it’s delivered by a cute waitress and the drink is actually free!

8: Unless you’re in prison, never fight naked.

9: Friends don’t let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

10: If a man’s fly is down, that’s his problem, you didn’t see anything.

11: Women who claim they “love to watch sports” must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to show equal amounts of testostorone with the other sports watchers.

12: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you’d better be talking about his choice of beer.

13: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e., both urinating but looking straight at the wall, both washing hands on the sink, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

14: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.

15: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.

16: The girl who replies to the question “What do you want for Christmas?” with “If you loved me, you’d know what I want!” gets an Xbox. End of story.

17: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men’s Gymnastics. Ever.

* 18. No man shall eat anything that he cannot pronounce.

* 19. Unless you’re Elvis or The Fonz, a popped collar is NEVER allowed.

* 20. A poodle should never be within 15 feet of a man, unless it is accompanied by a very hot woman. Amendment: Any dog that is small enough to be PUNTED may not be within 15 feet of amy man, unless accompanied by a hot woman.

21. If you get a ride to a party with another guy, and he hooks up with a girl, you're now responsible for finding another way home (exception: if it's his girlfriend, he's still responsible for you).

22. Always leave a urinal of space in the bath room, unless there are dividers.

23. No talking at the urinals.

24. You should always be willing to play the wingman when your buddy meets a hot girl. Do not ask for compensation though. The only compensation should be the fact that someone will be there for you when you need a wingman.

25. Pirates are the manliest of the professions, as they get two kinds of booty.

26. A simply "Oops", or a "my bad" will suffice; do not apologize.

27. When picking players for sports teams it is permissible to skip over your buddy in favor of better athletes- as long as you don’t let him be the last sorry son of a bitch standing on the sideline.

28. If you ever compliment a guy's six pack, you better be talking about his choice of beverage.

29. Never join your girlfriend in ragging on a buddy of yours, unless she is withholding sex, pending your response.

30. Phrases that may never be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
"Yeah, baby, push it!"
"Come on, give me one more, harder!"
"Another set and we can hit the showers"
"Nice ass! Are you a Sagittarius?"

31. Never hesitate to reach for the last beverage or pizza, but not both. That’s just mean.

32. Never talk to another man in the bathroom unless you are on equal footing: both urinating, both waiting in line for all other situations an "I recognize you" nod will do just fine.

33. Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch nearby, hang up if necessary.

34. You can not rat out a friend who show's up to work or class with a massive hangover, however you may: hide the aspirin, smear his chair with limburger cheese, turn the brightness on his computer way up so he thinks its broken, or have him paged every seven minutes.

35. If you catch your girl messing around with your best friend, let your states crime of passion laws be your guide.

36. If your buddy is trying to hook up with a girl, you may sabotage him only in a manor that gives you no chances of getting any either.

37. Before allowing a drunken friend to cheat on his girl, you must attempt one intervention. If he can get up on his feet, look you in the eye, and deliver a "fuck off" then you are absolved from all responsibility. Later on it is ok that you have no idea what his girlfriend is talking about.

38. The morning after you and a babe, who was formerly "just a friend", go at it, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to jump on her again before there is a discussion about what a big mistake it was.

39. If a buddy has lint, an eyelash, or any other foreign object on his hair or face, under no circumstances are you permitted to remove it. However an appropriate hand gesture may be made to make him aware of it.