Official Joke Thread!

[1ViciousGSX]

George Bush, Queen Elizabeth, and Vladimir Putin all die and go to hell. While there, they spy a red phone and ask what the phone is for. The devil tells them it is for calling back to Earth.

Putin asks to call Russia and talks for 5 minutes. When he is finished the devil informs him that the cost is a million dollars, so Putin writes him a check.

Next Queen Elizabeth calls England and talks for 30 minutes. When she is finished the devil informs her that the cost is 6 million dollars, so she writes him a check.

Finally George Bush gets his turn and talks for 4 hours. When he is finished the devil informs him that the cost is $5.00. When Putin hears this he goes ballistic and asks
the devil why Bush got to call the USA so cheaply. The devil smiles and replies: "Since Obama took over, the country has gone to hell, so it's a local call."

[1QUICK4]

A man goes into the hospital for a vasectomy. Before the procedure the
nurse comes in and takes his vitals, then tells him to take all of his
clothes off. When he is fully undressed she instructs him to lie down on
the table. The man obeys. The nurse then takes all of her clothes off and
climbs on top and has her way with him. Upon the completion of the act the
man catches his breath and asks what that was all about. The nurse informs
the patient that studies have shown that before a vasectomy if the man has
an ejaculation, he will be more relaxed and that the vasec is easier for
the surgeon to locate and sever.


The nurse then wheels the patient to the operating room. While they are
going down the hall the patient sees six men in a room masterbating furiously.
Curious, the man asks "What the hell, what are they doing in there"?


The nurse responds, "They are getting vasectomies too, but you have Blue
Cross/Blue Shield and they have Obama Care."