Official Joke Thread! - Page 6

Iceman · 02-07-2004

That is like the redneck joke just changed a little. Either way still funny i guess...

**1ViciousGSX** · 02-07-2004

One day a guy meets this blonde for the first time and notices how cute she is, so he wants to talk to her. He walks up and starts talking with her and notices she's wearing some small headphones. So he ask if she would take them off so she could hear him better while he talked to her. She replied "Oh no, if I take them off I will die!". So to be funny he snatches them off her head and runs and she goes after him. After about a minute of chasing the guy she collapses and starts turning blue. So he gives her mouth to mouth resuscitation (or mouth to mouth recreation, which ever you prefer). As she comes to, she grabs the headphones back and says I told you I would die without these and puts them back on her head. Stuned the guy ask if he could listen to what she's listening to? She tells him he can listen, but for only a few seconds and must give them back. He agrees and she hands him the headphones. He puts them on his head and hears,
"Breath in,..... breath out,..... breath in,..... breath out,..... breath in,..... breath out,......................" :P

JiN · 02-07-2004

Ahahahahah!!!!

MATCHBX · 02-07-2004

What does a blond and a computer have in common?

No one appreciates one until they go down on you.....

Emcee gsxtc · 02-08-2004

Why do blondes have Y shaped caskets?

Because whenever they lie on there back there legs spread apart.

Emcee gsxtc · 02-08-2004

A little Blonde girl runs up to her mom and shouts out "Mommy, Mommy I got five dollars today!" Her mom does a puzzled look and then says "How did you get that?"

The little girl smiles and says "Little Johny told me to do a cartweel while he was up in a tree" Her mom lowers her eyebrows and says in a firm voice "You know that Little Johny is only trying to see you underwear" "Ohhhhhhh!" Says the little girl and runs upstairs. The next morning she runs up to her mom and yells "Mommy, Mommy! I got ten dollars from Little Johny" "Hunny what did I tell you about..."

The little girl interuppts her and says "Listen mommy I didn't get him to look at my underwear today! He went up into a tree I did a cartwheel. Then he came down smiled and said Good job" "Why did he say that?"

said the little girls mom "I have no clue Mommy! I wasn't wearing any underwear today!"

Emcee gsxtc · 02-08-2004

A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning. Thewife picked up the phone, listened a moment and said, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up. The husband said, "Who was that?"

The wife said, "I don't know; some woman wanting to know 'if the coast is clear."

Emcee gsxtc · 02-08-2004

Patti, a well-stacked blonde, sat on the examining table.

Dr Donovan placed his hand on her bare breast, "You know what I'm doing, don't you?" he asked.

"Yes," she murmured, "You're checking for breast cancer."

Donovan then began caressing her stomach. "Of course," he continued, "you know what I'm doing."

"Yes," she smiled. "You're checking my appendix."

By now the M.D. couldn't control himself any longer. He ripped off his clothes and began making love to her.

"You know what I'm doing, don't you?" he gasped.

"Yes," she replied. "You're checking for VD . . . and that's what I came here for."

Emcee gsxtc · 02-08-2004

A blonde tried to sell her old car.

She was having a lot of problems selling it, because the car had 250,000 miles on it.

One day, she told her problem to a brunette she worked with at a salon.

The brunette told her, "There is a possibility to make the car easier to sell, but it's not legal."

"That doesn't matter," replied the blonde, "if I only can sell the car.

"Okay," said the brunette. "Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will turn the counter in your car back to 50,000 miles. Then it should not be a problem to sell your car anymore."

The following weekend, the blonde made the trip to the mechanic.

About one month after that, the brunette asked the blonde, "Did you sell your car?"

"No," replied the blonde, "why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it."

Emcee gsxtc · 02-08-2004

Scaring the kids

A blonde gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. She rushes upstairs to find her husband naked on the bed, sweating and panting.

'What's up?' she says.

'I'm having a heart attack,' cries the man.

She rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as she's dialing her four-year-old son comes up and says,
`Mommy! Mommy! Jody the babysitter's hiding in your wardrobe and she's got no clothes on!'

The blonde slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past her screaming husband and rips open the wardrobe door.

Sure enough, there is the babysitter, totally naked, cowering on the wardrobe floor.

'You bitch,' yells the blonde, 'my husband's having a heart attack and you're running around with no clothes on scaring the kids!'

Jakey · 02-08-2004

A young blonde woman in East Dubuque, Illinois was so
depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the Mississippi River. She went down to the docks and was about to leap into the frigid water when a handsome young sailor saw her tottering on the edge of the dock, crying. He took pity on her and said, "Look, you have so much to live for. I'm off to Europe in the morning, and if you like,I can stow youaway on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day." Moving closer, he slipped his arm round her shoulder and added, "I'll keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy." The girl nodded yes. After all, what did she have to lose? Perhaps a fresh start in Europe would give her life new meaning. That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and they made passionate love until dawn. Three weeks later, during a routine inspection, she was discovered by the captain. "What are you doing here?"the captain asked. I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she explained. "I get food and a trip to Europe, and he's screwing me." "He certainly is," the captain said. "This is the Diamond Joe Casino, and we never leave Dubuque, Iowa."

Jacek · 02-08-2004

haha!

**1ViciousGSX** · 02-08-2004

Quote:

Originally posted by Jakey@Feb 8 2004, 08:58 AM
A young blonde woman in East Dubuque, Illinois was so
depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the Mississippi River. She went down to the docks and was about to leap into the frigid water when a handsome young sailor saw her tottering on the edge of the dock, crying. He took pity on her and said, "Look, you have so much to live for. I'm off to Europe in the morning, and if you like,I can stow youaway on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day." Moving closer, he slipped his arm round her shoulder and added, "I'll keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy." The girl nodded yes. After all, what did she have to lose? Perhaps a fresh start in Europe would give her life new meaning. That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and they made passionate love until dawn. Three weeks later, during a routine inspection, she was discovered by the captain. "What are you doing here?"the captain asked. I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she explained. "I get food and a trip to Europe, and he's screwing me." "He certainly is," the captain said. "This is the Diamond Joe Casino, and we never leave Dubuque, Iowa."

hahahahahahahahaha

Jana · 02-08-2004

Those are all great jokes!!!

TheBlizzard · 02-09-2004

A guy took his blonde girl friend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench... After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience.

"Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."

Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?"

"Well, I saw them flip a coin and one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was: 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' Hel-LLLO! It's only 25 cents! I hate to think what they'd do if it was a whole DOLLAR!!!!"

CRAIG

LightningGSX · 02-09-2004

This is kinda old but....

Emcee gsxtc · 02-09-2004

MATCHBX · 02-09-2004

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family farm.

Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In
order to keep the bank from repossessing the family farm, they need to
purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock. Upon leaving, the brunette tells her sister, "When I get there, if I decide to buy the
bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home."

The brunette arrives at the man's family farm, inspects the bull, and
decides she wants to buy it. The man tells her that he will sell it for
$599, no less.
After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a
telegram to tell her the news.

She walks into the telegraph office, and says, "I want to send a
telegram
to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our family farm. I
need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul
it home."

The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, "It's just 99 cents a word." Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word. After a few minutes of thinking, she nods and says, "I want you to send her the word "comfortable."

The operator shakes his head. "How is she ever going to know that you
want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul
that bull back to your family farm if you send her just the word
"comfortable?"

The brunette explains, "My sister's blonde. The word's big.

She'll read it very slowly ... com-for-da-bul."

**1ViciousGSX** · 02-09-2004

Quote:

Originally posted by awd1dr@Feb 9 2004, 06:20 PM
She'll read it very slowly ... com-for-da-bul."

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Alpine TSi · 07-24-2004

BlondeStar