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Old 11-05-2003   #21
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Quote:
Originally posted by FORSFED@Nov 4 2003, 05:05 PM
How can you tell the difference between a blonde male and a blonde female?

The female has a higher sperm count.
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Old 11-06-2003   #22
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There was a married couple at home and the husband was calling it a night and climbing into bed. His wife had a better idea so she runs outta the bathroom buck naked and jumps onto the bed and shouts "SUPER PUSSY". Her husband looks up at her and replies "ehh... i'll take the soup"
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Old 11-06-2003   #23
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I don't get it... Its funny that she said SUPER PUSSY but other than that i don't get it.. :stick:
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Old 11-06-2003   #24
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Soup OR Pussy.....super pussy.....get it?
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Old 11-06-2003   #25
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A police officer arrives at an accident scene where apparently three blondes have leaped to their death from a very tall building. He suddenly notices that one is still breathing so he approaches her and asks, "Why the hell did you three beautiful girls leap out of that building?"


The blond answers in a very weak voice, "We wanted to try out our new maxi-pads, with wings..."


-----

A guy came into a bar one day and said to the barman "Give me six double vodkas."
The barman says, "Wow! you must have had one hell of a day."

"Yes, I've just found out my older brother is gay."

The next day the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same drinks. When the bartender asked what the problem was today, the answer came back.

"I've just found out that my younger brother is gay too!"

On the third day the guy came into the bar and ordered another six double vodkas.

The bartender said: "Jesus! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?"

"Yeah... My wife!"
--------

Steve loved his wife Wendy so much he had her name tatooed onto his penis. When he was soft all you could see was the WY, but when he had a hard on you could read her full name Wendy. One day while Steve and Wendy were in Jamaica on vacation steve had to visit the bathroom. While standing at the urinal he looks at the man next to him and notices that this man has a tatto on his dick as well. Amazingly he sees WY on this guys dick as well. Steve says, " Hey buddy I'm sorry but I couldn't help but notice that you've got WY tattooed on your Dick as well. When I'm hard my tattoo shows my wife's name Wendy. What does yours say?" The local replied, "Welcome to Jamaica have a nice day"!!!
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Old 11-06-2003   #26
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Q: What did one lesbian vampire say to the other?
A: "See you next month"


-----


What did they call lesbians in mid-evil times?
Fur traders.


-----


Jane was a first time contestant on a $65,000 quiz show. Lady Luck had smiled in her favor, as Jane had gained a substantial lead over her opponents. She even managed to win the game but, unfortunately, time had run out before the show's host could ask her the big question.

Jane agreed to return the following day. She was nervous as her husband drove them home.


"I've just gotta win tomorrow. I wish I knew what the answers were. You know I'm not going to sleep at all tonight. I will probably look like garbage tomorrow."


'Relax honey,' her husband, Roger, reassured her. 'It will all be OK.'


Ten minutes after they arrived home, Roger grabbed the car keys and started heading out the door.


'Where are you going?' Jane asked.


'I have a little errand to run. I should be back soon.'


After an agonizing three hour absence, Roger returned, sporting a very wide and wicked grin.


'Honey, I managed to get tomorrow's question and answer.'


'What is it?' she cried excitedly.


'OK, the question is, "What are the three main parts of the male anatomy?"

And the answer is, "The head, the heart and the penis."'


The couple went to sleep with Jane now feeling at ease, plummeting into a deep slumber. At 3.30 am, however, Jane was shaken awake by Roger, who was asking her the quiz show question.


'The head, the heart, the penis,' Jane replied groggily before returning to sleep.


Roger asked her again in the morning as Jane was brushing her teeth. Once again she replied correctly.


So it was that Jane was once again on the set of the quiz show. Even though she knew the question and answer, she could feel butterflies.


The cameras began running and the host, after reminding the audience of the previous day's events, faced Jane and asked the big question.


'Jane, for $65,000, what are the main parts of the male anatomy? You have ten seconds.'


'Hmmm, uhm, the head? She said nervously.

'Very good. Six seconds.'


'Eh, uh, the heart?

'Very good. Four seconds.'


'I, uhh, ooooooooohh, darn! My husband drilled it into me last night and I had it on the tip of my tongue this morning... '


'That's close enough,' said the game show host, 'Congratulations!'
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Old 11-07-2003   #27
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Quote:
Originally posted by DSMStyle@Nov 6 2003, 10:52 PM
Steve loved his wife Wendy so much he had her name tatooed onto his penis. When he was soft all you could see was the WY, but when he had a hard on you could read her full name Wendy. One day while Steve and Wendy were in Jamaica on vacation steve had to visit the bathroom. While standing at the urinal he looks at the man next to him and notices that this man has a tatto on his dick as well. Amazingly he sees WY on this guys dick as well. Steve says, " Hey buddy I'm sorry but I couldn't help but notice that you've got WY tattooed on your Dick as well. When I'm hard my tattoo shows my wife's name Wendy. What does yours say?" The local replied, "Welcome to Jamaica have a nice day"!!!

hahahahahahaha
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Old 11-07-2003   #28
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Quote:
Originally posted by DSMChick@Nov 6 2003, 08:42 PM
Soup OR Pussy.....super pussy.....get it?
PUSSY soup? yeah so i don't know...
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Old 11-07-2003   #29
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No, the husband heard her say Soup OR Pussy.... so he said he'd take the soup. He didn't hear her say SUPER PUSSY. Get it? Geesh, am I the only one who can understand a pussy joke? :razz2:
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Old 11-07-2003   #30
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Quote:
Originally posted by Iceman@Nov 6 2003, 08:31 PM
I don't get it... Its funny that she said SUPER PUSSY but other than that i don't get it.. :stick:
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Old 11-07-2003   #31
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wow man, all u can think about is pussy? i bet u haven't found the dolphins yet in my avatar huh? j/k man, im just messin. anyway ya, i didn't realise my joke sucked so bad. my apologies
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Old 11-07-2003   #32
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Usally im all about the penis and pussie jokes but that one doesn't make me laugh..

:woowoo:
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Old 11-10-2003   #33
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1- I was thinking about one of the status symbols of today -- those pagers that everyone has clipped on. I can't afford one, so I'm wearing my garage door opener.
2- I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans!

3- I was thinking about old age and decided that it is when you still have something on the ball but you are just too tired to bounce it.

4- I thought about making a movie for folks my age and call it "Pumping Rust."

5- I have gotten that dreaded furniture disease...that's when your chest is falling into your drawers!

6- You know when people see a cat's litter box, they always say, "Oh, have you got a cat?" Just once I wanted to say, "No, it's for company!"

7- I thought about how mothers feed their babies with little tiny spoons and forks so I wonder what Chinese mothers use. Perhaps toothpicks?

8- Employment application blanks always ask who is to be notified in case of an emergency. I think you should write..........
A Good Doctor!

9- Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do...write to these people? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen could look for them while they deliver the mail?

10-I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me, they are cramming for their finals
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Old 11-10-2003   #34
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A couple brings their daughter to the office of an old southern doctor,and ask to speak in private to him about her.What's the problem the old doc asks?Well doc, the mother replies,our daughter is nearly 20 and nobody has ever asked her out on a date.The old doc says,well what do you want me to do?Well,the father repies,we think maybe our daugter has cronic bad breath or B.O. or something that's keeping her from getting dates.And we want you to examine her and see if you can figure out what it is?The old doc reluctantly agrees to see the girl and try to ease the worried parents minds.They go and get the girl, and the doc calls her into the examining room.
He looks at the girl,with a serious look on his face,muttering UH HMMM ,UH HMMM.He tells the girl to undress.She does and once again he looks and mutters UH HMM,UH HMM.He tells her to turn her back to him,and bend over.She does,and he says bend all the way over and look at me from in between your legs.She does as he says.AHHH HA!!! He exclaims!!I know what your problem is,you get dressed and I'll go talk to your folks.

The old doc goes to where the worried parents are seated and says,Ive figured out what the problem is with your daughter.OHH!! THANK HEAVENS!!,they exclaim. What is it they ask? Well, I'm afraid your daughter suffers from "Zactly" disease.OH!!NO!!What is "Zactly" disease,they ask?The old doc says,Well,I'm afraid your daughters face looks"Zactly" like her a$$.

=============================================

Nun Goes Fishing
One day a nun was fishing and caught a huge, strange looking fish. A man was walking by and said, "WOW!! What a nice Gauddam Fish!" The sister said, "Sir, you shouldn't use God's name in vain." The man said, "But that's the SPECIES of the fish --- a Gauddam Fish." The sister said, "Oh, ok."

The Sister took the fish back home and said, "Mother Superior, look at the Gauddam Fish I caught." Shocked, the Mother Superior said, "Sister, you know better than that." The nun said, "That's the species of it --- a Gauddam Fish." So the Mother Superior said, "Well, give me the Gauddam Fish and I'll clean it."

While she was cleaning the fish, Monsignor walked in and Mother Superior said, "Monsignor, look at the Gauddam Fish that the sister caught." Nearly fainting, Monsignor said, "Mother Superior, you shouldn"t talk like that!" Mother Superior said, "But that's the species of it --- a Gauddam Fish." Monsignor said, "Well give me the Gauddam Fish and I'll cook it."

That evening at supper there was a new priest at the table, and he said, "Wow, what a nice fish." In reply, the sister said, "Thank-you, I caught the Gauddam Fish." And Mother Superior said, "I cleaned the Gauddam Fish." And Monsignor said, "I cooked the Gauddam Fish."

The priest looked around in disbelief, quite shocked, and said...

"I LIKE THIS F***ING PLACE ALREADY!

=============================================

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Hang up and drive!!

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Welcome to America
...now speak English
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Old 11-10-2003   #35
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Old 11-11-2003   #36
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Here is one I heard off 93x a while ago. You may have heard it but I will post it anyhow:

Q-How do you know you are at a gay BBQ?
A-The brots taste like shit
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Old 11-11-2003   #37
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Quote:
Originally posted by 92tsiawd84@Nov 10 2003, 11:51 PM
Here is one I heard off 93x a while ago. You may have heard it but I will post it anyhow:

Q-How do you know you are at a gay BBQ?
A-The brots taste like shit
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Old 11-22-2003   #38
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Why men die first is a question that has gone unanswered for centuries,
but now we know:

If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat
race, you're a male chauvinist; if you stay home and do the housework,
you're a pansy.

If you work too hard, there's never any time for her; if you don't work
enough, you're a good-for-nothing bum.

If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay, this is exploitation;
if you have a boring repetitive job with low pay, you should get off
your lazy behind and find something better.

If you get a promotion ahead of her, that is favoritism; if she gets a
job ahead of you, it's equal opportunity.

If you mention how nice she looks, it's sexual harassment; if you keep
quiet it's male indifference.

If you cry, you're a wimp; if you don't, you're an insensitive dolt.

If you make a decision without consulting her, you're a chauvinist; if
she makes a decision without consulting you, she's a liberated woman.

If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy, that's domination; if
she asks you, it's a favor.

If you appreciate the female form and frilly underwear, you're a
pervert; if you don't, you're oh snap.

If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape, you're sexist;
if you don't, you're unromantic.

If you try to keep yourself in shape, you're vain; if you don't, you're
a slob.

If you buy her flowers, you're after something; if you don't, you're
not
thoughtful.

If you're proud of your achievements, you're full of yourself; if you
aren't you're not ambitious.

If she has a headache, she's tired; if you have a headache, you don't
love her anymore.

Men die first because they want to.
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Old 11-22-2003   #39
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A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway
when he notices a sign out of the corner of his eye.....

It reads:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION 10 MILES

He thinks it was a figment of his imagination and
drives on without second thought......

Soon he sees another sign, which says:

SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION 5 MILES

Suddenly, he begins to realize that these signs are
for real....

Then he drives past a third sign saying:

SISTERS OF ST.FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION NEXT RIGHT

His curiosity gets the best of him and he pulls into
the drive....

On the far side of the parking lot is a stone
building with a small sign
next to the door reading:

SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS

He climbs the steps and rings the bell....

The door is answered by a nun in a long black habit
who asks, "What may we do for you, my son?"....

He answers, "I saw your signs along the highway, and
was interested in possibly doing business.".....

"Very well, my son. Please follow me." .....

He is led through many winding passages and is soon
quite disoriented....

The nun stops at a closed door and tells the man,
" Please knock on this door".............

He does as he is told and another nun in a long
habit, holding a tin cup answers the door.....

This nun instructs, "Please place $100 in the cup,
then go through the large wooden door at the end of
this hallway".......

He gets $100 out of his wallet and places it in the
second nuns cup.....

He trots eagerly down the hall and slips through the
door, pulling it shut behind him........

As the door locks behind him, he finds himself back
in the parking lot, facing another small sign:

GO IN PEACE.

YOU HAVE JUST BEEN SCREWED
BY THE SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS.
SERVES YOU RIGHT, YOU SINNER
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Old 11-23-2003   #40
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Those were good Enes
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