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Old 11-26-2003   #41
MATCHBX
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A city cop was on his horse waiting to cross the street when a little girl on her new shiny bike stopped beside him. "Nice bike," the cop said "did Santa bring it to you?"

"Yep," the little girl said, "he sure did!" The cop looked the bike over and handed the girl a $5 ticket for a safety violation. The cop said, "Next year tell Santa to put a reflector light on the back of it."

The young girl looked up at the cop and said, "Nice horse you got there sir, did Santa bring it to you?" "Yes, he sure did," chuckled the cop. The little girl looked up at the cop and said, "Next year tell Santa the dick goes underneath the horse, not on top."
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"I'll believe that when me shit turns purple and smells like rainbow sherbet."

Some days you're the dog, some days you're the hydrant.

It's always the second mouse that gets the cheese....

I reject your reality and substitute my own.

Superjealousfragilemisswithsexualneurosis----John Valby
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Old 11-28-2003   #42
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4x4


The doctor told a man that masturbating before sex often helped men
last
longer during the act.

The man decided, "What the heck, I'll try it."

He spent the rest of the day thinking about where to do it. He couldn't
do it in his office. He thought about the restroom, but that was too
open. He considered an alley, but figured that was too unsafe. Finally,
he realized his solution. On the way home from work, he pulled his 4X4
over on the side of the highway.

He got out and crawled underneath as if examining the vehicle.
Satisfied
with the privacy, he undid his pants and started to masturbate.

He closed his eyes and thought of his lover.

As he grew closer to orgasm, he felt a quick tug at his pants leg. Not
wanting to lose his mental fantasy or the orgasm, he kept his eyes shut
and replied "What?"

He heard, "This is the police. What in the hell are you doing?"

The man replied, "I'm checking out the rear axle, it's busted."

The cop says, "Well, you better check your brakes too, because your 4x4
rolled down the hill 5 minutes ago."
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Old 11-28-2003   #43
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LOL i liked the 4x4 one. Thats true though you do last longer.
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Old 12-03-2003   #44
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The Parrot
A young man named John received a parrot as a gift.
The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse
vocabulary. Every word out of the bird's mouth was
rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity.
John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude
by consistently saying only polite words, playing
soft music and anything else he could think of to
"clean up" the bird's vocabulary.
Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the
parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the
parrot and the parrot got angrier and even ruder.
John, in desperation threw up his hands, grabbed the
bird and put him in the freezer. For a few minutes
the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then
suddenly there was total quiet.
Not a peep was heard for over a minute. Fearing that
he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door
to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto
John's outstretched arms and said:
"I believe I may have offended you with my rude
language and actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for
my inappropriate transgressions and verbal tirades.
Forgive me. I fully intend to do everything I can to
correct my rude and abhorrent behavior."
John was stunned at the change in the bird's
attitude.
As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such
a dramatic
change in his behavior, the bird continued,
"May I ask what the turkey did?"
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"I'll believe that when me shit turns purple and smells like rainbow sherbet."

Some days you're the dog, some days you're the hydrant.

It's always the second mouse that gets the cheese....

I reject your reality and substitute my own.

Superjealousfragilemisswithsexualneurosis----John Valby
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Old 12-07-2003   #45
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roflmfao!!!!!!!!
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EVO 7 owner to C5 owner: You go ahead.... I'll catch up.

Slow is better than broke.... but broke is better than nothing.
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Old 12-10-2003   #46
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What do K-Mart and Michael Jackson have in common?












They both have boys underwear half off. :censored:
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Old 12-10-2003   #47
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When is it bed-time at Micheal Jackson's house???

















When the big hand touches the little hand!
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Old 12-10-2003   #48
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What is the difference between Micheal Jackson and a grocery bag?














One is made of plastic and is dangerious for children to play with and the other carrys grocerys.
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Old 12-10-2003   #49
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BTW, moved to joke area
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Old 12-11-2003   #50
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Ahh, I was wondering what "humar" was. It's actually humor. :stick:
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Old 12-11-2003   #51
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That's the spelling bee champion in me. :headache:
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Old 12-15-2003   #52
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what do you call nuts on a wall?









Wallnuts, what do you call nuts in a chest?













Chestnuts, what do you call nuts on a chin?
















You tell me fag. LOL
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Old 12-15-2003   #53
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Thats soo old.
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Old 12-16-2003   #54
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What did R Kelly say to Michael Jackson???



















Got two fives for a ten?
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What the fuck should I 4G6x swap?
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Old 12-17-2003   #55
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As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers the window, and she says "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load." The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street. When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches up again. She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door. Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if they've never spoken, the blonde says brightly, "Hi my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!" Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down the street. At the third red light, the same thing happens again. All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up, knocks on the truck door. The trucker lowers the window. Again she says "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!" When the light turns green the trucker revs up and races to the next light. When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runs back to the blonde. He knocks on her window, and as
she lowers it, he says... "Hi, my name is Kevin, it's winter in Wisconsin, and I'm driving the dam SALT TRUCK!
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Old 12-17-2003   #56
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HA HA HA HA
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Old 01-08-2004   #57
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Three men, one German, one Japanese and a
hillbilly were sitting naked in a sauna. Suddenly
there was a beeping sound. The German pressed his forearm and the
beep stopped. The others looked at him questioningly. "That was my
pager, "he said, "I have a micro chip under the skin of my arm."

A few minutes later a phone rang. The Japanese fellow lifted
his palm to his ear. When he finished he explained, "That was my
mobile phone. I have a micro chip in my hand."
The hillbilly felt decidedly low tech, but not to be outdone he decided
he had to do something just as impressive. He stepped out of the
sauna and went to the bathroom.
He returned with a piece of toilet paper hanging from his behind. The others raised
their eyebrows and stared at him The hillbilly finally said...
"Well, will you look at that, I'm getting a fax.
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Old 01-08-2004   #58
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Then a guy named Tom says " want me to grab that for you"?
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Old 01-08-2004   #59
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Lol.
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Old 01-08-2004   #60
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LOL owned
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