Official Joke Thread! - Page 16

**Kracka** · 03-02-2010

Your jokes own, Vicious!

**1ViciousGSX** · 03-02-2010

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kracka

Your jokes own, Vicious!

Thanks.

96GST16g · 03-02-2010

a man says to his wife you can either go hunting with me, give me a bj, or do anal sex with me. she replys well i am not goin hunting and i dont like anal sex, ill give you a bj. so after its all over with she says, " that tasted like shit!" he replys yea the dog didnt want to go either

**LingLing** · 03-02-2010

Q: What has three legs and is the laughing stock of the forum?

A: Tom's work bench!

**1ViciousGSX** · 03-06-2010

A beautiful fairy appeared one day to a destitute Mexican refugee outside an Arizona immigration office.

"Good man," the fairy said, "I've been sent here by President Obama and told to grant you three wishes, since you just arrived in the United States with your wife and eight children."

The man told the fairy, "Well, where I come from we don't have good teeth, so I want new teeth, maybe a lot of gold in them."

The fairy looked at the man's almost toothless grin and -- PING ! -- he had a brand new shining set of gold teeth in his mouth! "What else?" asked the fairy, "Two more to go."

The refugee claimant now got bolder. "I need a big house with a three car garage in Annapolis on the water with eight bedrooms for my family and the rest of my relatives who still live in my country. I want to bring them all over here" --- and -- PING ! -- in the distance there could be seen a beautiful mansion with a three car garage, a long driveway, a walkout patio with a BBQ in an upscale neighborhood overlooking the bay.

"One more wish", said the fairy, waving her wand.
"Yes, one more wish. I want to be like an American with American clothes instead of these torn clothes, and a baseball cap instead of this sombrero .. And I want to have white skin like Americans" ---and --- PING ! -- The man was transformed wearing worn out jeans, a Baltimore Orioles T-shirt and a baseball cap. He had his bad teeth back and the mansion had disappeared from the horizon. What happened to my new teeth?" he wailed, "Where is my new house?"

The fairy said:
"Tough shit, Amigo, Now that you are a White American, you have to fend for yourself."

awd-drifter · 03-25-2010

Poker Face

Two couples were playing poker one evening. John accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed Bill's wife Sue wasn't wearing any underwear under her dress! Shocked by this, John upon trying to sit back up again, hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced. Later, John went to the kitchen to get some refreshments. Bill's wife followed and asked, "Did you see anything that you liked under there?" Surprised by her boldness, John courageously admitted that, well indeed he did. She said, "Well, you can have it but it will cost you $500." After taking a minute or two to assess the financial and moral costs of this offer, John confirms that he is interested. She tells him that since her husband Bill works Friday afternoons and John doesn't, John should be at her house around 2 p.m. Friday afternoon. When Friday rolled around, John showed up at Bill's house at 2 p.m. sharp and after paying Sue the agreed sum of $500 they went to the bedroom and closed their transaction, as agreed. John quickly dressed and left. As usual, Bill came home from work at 6 p.m. and upon entering the house, asked his wife abruptly. "Did John come by the house this afternoon?" With a lump in her throat Sue answered "Why yes, he did stop by for a few minutes this afternoon." Her heart nearly skipped a beat when her husband curtly asked, "And did he give you $500?" In terror she assumed that somehow he had found out and after mustering her best poker face, replied, "Well, yes, in fact he did give me $500." Bill, with a satisfied look on his face, surprised his wife by saying, "Good, I was hoping he did. John came by the office this morning and borrowed $500 from me. He promised me he'd stop by our house this afternoon on his way home and pay me back."

twisted954 · 03-25-2010

ahahahahahahaha....now THATS good stuff there...lol

**1ViciousGSX** · 03-25-2010

^^^ lol ^^^

TkrPerformance · 03-25-2010

tehehodi · 03-26-2010

LOL smart man!

**1ViciousGSX** · 03-26-2010

A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife. She was determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she placed an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand.

Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk.

She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk.

He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching. For weeks the two of them worked hard and the ranch was doing very well.

Then one day, the rancher's widow said 'You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels.'

The hired hand readily agreed and went into town on Saturday night.

He returned around 2:30 am , and upon entering the room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him.

She quietly called him over to her.

'Unbutton my blouse and take it off,' she said.

Trembling, he did as she directed.

'Now take off my boots.' He did as she asked, ever so slowly.

'Now take off my socks.' He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.

'Now take off my skirt.' He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light.

'Now take off my bra.' Again, with trembling hands, did as he was told and dropped it to the floor.

Then she looked at him and said: 'If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired!'

tehehodi · 03-26-2010

twisted954 · 03-26-2010

ahahahahahahahaha

**1ViciousGSX** · 03-30-2010

The Pope and Nancy Pelosi are on the same stage in Yankee Stadium in front of a huge crowd.
The Pope leans towards Mrs. Pelosi and said, "Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy?
This joy will not be a momentary display, but will go deep into their hearts
and they'll forever speak of this day and rejoice!"

Pelosi replied, "I seriously doubt that. With one little wave of your hand? Show me!"

So the Pope backhanded the bitch.

**LingLing** · 03-31-2010

Quote:

Originally Posted by 1ViciousGSX

The Pope and Nancy Pelosi are on the same stage in Yankee Stadium in front of a huge crowd.
The Pope leans towards Mrs. Pelosi and said, "Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy?
This joy will not be a momentary display, but will go deep into their hearts
and they'll forever speak of this day and rejoice!"

Pelosi replied, "I seriously doubt that. With one little wave of your hand? Show me!"

So the Pope backhanded the bitch.

Awesome!!!!

tehehodi · 03-31-2010

Lmao!!!!! that was good

Matt D. · 03-31-2010

Anonymous source:

"After the recent Super Bowl victory of the New Orleans Saints, I noticed numerous bad jokes on the Internet by people defaming Cajuns as `not too smart'.
Let me state categorically that I completely disagree with that assessment.
Anybody who builds a city 10 feet below sea level in a hurricane zone and fills it with Democrats is a genius."

**Kracka** · 03-31-2010

Quote:

Originally Posted by Matt D.

Anybody who builds a city 10 feet below sea level in a hurricane zone and fills it with Democrats is a genius."

Nice!

twisted954 · 03-31-2010

Hahahahahahahahaha

1G_DSM · 04-05-2010

Today's word is: Fluctuations

I was at my bank today; there was a short line..There was just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady who was trying to exchange yen for dollars. It was obvious she was a little irritated . . . She asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla fo yen. Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?" The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations." The Asian lady says, "Fluc you white people too"