Official Joke Thread!

[Enes]

Why men die first is a question that has gone unanswered for centuries,
but now we know:

If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat
race, you're a male chauvinist; if you stay home and do the housework,
you're a pansy.

If you work too hard, there's never any time for her; if you don't work
enough, you're a good-for-nothing bum.

If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay, this is exploitation;
if you have a boring repetitive job with low pay, you should get off
your lazy behind and find something better.

If you get a promotion ahead of her, that is favoritism; if she gets a
job ahead of you, it's equal opportunity.

If you mention how nice she looks, it's sexual harassment; if you keep
quiet it's male indifference.

If you cry, you're a wimp; if you don't, you're an insensitive dolt.

If you make a decision without consulting her, you're a chauvinist; if
she makes a decision without consulting you, she's a liberated woman.

If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy, that's domination; if
she asks you, it's a favor.

If you appreciate the female form and frilly underwear, you're a
pervert; if you don't, you're oh snap.

If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape, you're sexist;
if you don't, you're unromantic.

If you try to keep yourself in shape, you're vain; if you don't, you're
a slob.

If you buy her flowers, you're after something; if you don't, you're
not
thoughtful.

If you're proud of your achievements, you're full of yourself; if you
aren't you're not ambitious.

If she has a headache, she's tired; if you have a headache, you don't
love her anymore.

Men die first because they want to.